Walk down sickly lane...

Wed. Nov. 5th 08

"I don’t know if this is my way of having to go out with a BIG bang, but I am just so miserably SICKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE this! I can hardly spend any time with the kids. I feel an almost constant need to throw up, and this is nearly ALL the time! I have maybe one hour through out the day where I feel okay. But that’s about it!!! I feel so bad because I never smile, and I fear my poor kids must hate this! I hope it goes by fast! I keep reminding myself of the miracle that will come from this. That helps. 6-8 weeks seems so far away at this point though. I just hope and pray it goes by fast. I honestly think this has to be a boy. So similar to past “boy” pregnancies!!!!"

"P.S Obama got elected as President. I’m scared…."

My boys found an old desktop computer that I thought was no good anymore. When we couldn't get it to work several years back I was devastated because lots of photo's were lost, along with my journal entries from when I carried Scarlett. When the boys rebooted it yesterday and got it to work I was so excited, you have no idea.

Above is a journal entry that made me so happy I am done having children, but at the same time, reminded me that the pain required to have them is truly worth it.

P.S I am still scared of Obama...

Ice queen...

Snow and ice has been our lives for the past week. The ice was so bad that more than half of our town was without power. Not for a few hours...more like a few days. We were very lucky and never lost power, but we did lose a few tree limbs from the weight of the ice.

Today more snow began to fall pretty heavy as I drove the little girls to the store. Grace was looking out the car window when I heard her say to herself "Thank you Jesus for the snow, but we don't want anymore." My thoughts exactly. :)

Let's Play Dog...

Whoever said preteens were difficult to have around?? Austin is a heaven sent when it comes to his little sisters. He will play with them in our playroom all the time. Their favorite is "animal" where they are the animal's and he is their master. He doesn't always want to play these games, but he'll do it anyway, because he knows how much fun the girls have with him. He'll make an amazing dad one day.

Home...

You know what I miss? Georgia. Home. Yes, I moved away when I was 16 and I went with a fight too. Georgia was all I knew. I was born and raised in this wonderful state. All knew were tornadoes in Spring. Cornbread dressing. Fried green tomatoes. Lightening bugs. Scary humidity. Friends and strangers (myself included) saying "Ya'll."

I haven't been back to this dear place since I was 17. I had a splendid childhood. I cherish my memories. Nothing spectacular happened, but I could always count on consistency. Life was solid, and predictable. Something I consider a wonderful gift.

If I could go back for just a few days and forget the stress of being an adult, I would do it in a minute.

Even if it's just for a little while, I will one day make my way back to that beautiful place that has my heart.

Stand up...

I know I could have got these up a lot sooner but I have found I have to do things on my own time, and not fight disorganization. My head is in a happier place this way.

These are a few pics from the school Christmas program. I didn't take them. They were sent to me from a teacher, and they warmed my heart.

I love that my kids are in a place where worshiping heavenly father and Jesus Christ are not condemened, but welcomed.

I'm thankful they don't have to call it a "Holiday Program." They can say "Christmas Program." With that said...I am so impressed with kids that go to public school too. Kids that stand up for what they believe despite what they aren't encouraged to say.

The world is crazier than when I was a teenager. It's only going to get worse. I think there are some pretty awesome kids in this world that are proving that they can take on the challenge.

Working together...

It is time for the Pinewood Derby once again. It comes around so fast every year, and because we had three boys in a row, we are going to be doing it for a lot longer. It helps to have lots of kids because Chris put all the kids (and I mean all of them) to work getting the car ready. Scarlett made me laugh so hard with her work glasses. She was determined to sand that car and make it amazing. You know what they say? "A family that builds Pinewood Derby cars together...stays together." Okay, so they don't say that exactly, but close enough.

Hats...

You know you have a lot of boys when you walk into your laundry room and there's a million ball caps hanging on the hooks. I have walked pass these hats a gazillion times, and haven't thought twice about them, other than them being in the way and falling off the hooks and me having to pick them up. But today I thought about how the boys, one day soon... will tower over me.

I find it funny that I had 4 sisters and one lone brother. Before I got married I knew very little about boys. And yet am raising three of them. I can honestly say that I know without a doubt that they love me. I am their world. One day this will change. Someone else will fill that role. So until then, I will enjoy their loudness and wrestling (oh that darned wrestling) and one day miss them breaking every shred of furniture I have ever owned.

"I get the Hawaii spoon!"

I thought you might want to take a look at a very important spoon that resides in our home. I have a love hate relationship with this spoon and I'm going to tell you why. Nearly three years ago when we took our first trip to Hawaii we stayed at a hotel that offered a hot breakfast. One of their spoons ended up hiding out in our bags until we spotted it thousands of miles away from it's home. You can't imagine the excitement we felt when we realized we had this spoon. It reminded us of pancakes and omelets. Eating outside at 6am in 80 degree weather. Little birds trying to eat our food rather than flies. It was truly a prized possession. Only problem? Every child fights over who gets to eat with it. This has literally gone on for 3 years! Scarlett wasn't even on the trip (she was in my tummy) and even she yells and screams "I want the Hawaii spoon!!!!!" So, this is why I sometimes hate the Hawaii spoon. Next time, I think i will stick with those cute little souvenir spoons that are too small to eat with.

Hitting the mute button...

I think Christian is attempting to turn down my voice box in this photo. Too bad we don't have remote controls to mute out the people around us, when we get tired of listening, but I guess that could backfire if our kids could turn us down.

Chris is always having to take continuing education courses to keep up with his profession. Why don't we have those for moms?? I am constantly having to up my game and come up with new ways to motivate the kids to be obedient. Be it bribes, or promises, or just plain getting mad (which never works, by the way.)

But, I have said it before and I'll say it again. It's going to fly by. It already is! And I will just keep getting through each day, because all in all, it is so worth it. This really and truly is the happiest time of my life. That doesn't mean I won't continue to fantasize about remote controls for kids though.

I'll try to be prettier tomorrow...promise.

A statement that Grace made today after she got into trouble..."Mom, you are pretty when you're not mean. But when you are mean? You're not pretty." Why do kids have to be so wise???

What I wouldn't give...

I had such a good childhood. I had/have so many great sisters...and such an impish little brother. (He still is!) I am sure that we had our moments of wanting to kill each other, but it's kind of like when you take a vacation with kids. They fight the whole time and you swear you'll never take them again, but then looking back, all you can remember are the good moments you created.

Lately I have missed my little sister Gina so much. She has seven kids, and I have six. This equals, hardly any time to talk.

I always wanted to be her twin because she was absolutely gorgeous. I would say "You are Gina, and I can change my name to Tina." Or sometimes I was Melanie and I would insist she be called "Melody."

We worked well together as playmates because Gina was sweet and passive, and tolerated my bossy assertive side.

Sometimes I will dream of things that happened during my childhood and it becomes so vivid...completely tangible. I would love to go back and play dolls all day long, or carry bulk bags of unpopped kernels around, and pretend they are our babies. Gosh, they felt like real babies. And boy, did we have interesting imaginations.

I am thankful for the part each of my siblings have played in my life. I could go on and on, about memories I have stored away in my brain that are completely priceless to me. I am thankful my parents kept having us, so I could have them all in my life. It was a true sacrifice on their part.

You're a good guy...

I recently read one of my old journals from when I was 18. Halee and I read many of the pages together. It was so amazing to go back to that time...almost eerie. And yet, it seems like yesterminute (if there is such a thing)that it all happened.

I wrote about Chris and how he came all the way out to see me in Oregon the first time. I had written "Chris is a nice guy who will one day make some girl very happy. It's just not going to be me."

I am so glad I didn't follow my instinct on that one, because I couldn't have been more wrong. Chris is the most selfless human being I have ever known. I have always come first for him. Sometimes I feel selfish because in all honesty I am not as giving as him. (Remember my previous post about my oat??) I am so thankful to have him. I could never want more out of my life than having him in it. I know it sounds gushy but it's 100% true, and I have to say it, because he always needs to remember and know it.

It was his fault!!

Christmas break was great. Absolutely wonderful for the first two weeks. But when that 3rd week hit, all heck broke loose, and I thought I might kill someone...myself included. I don't know what the deal was, but the kids became so incredibly bored and stir crazy that it seemed all they wanted to do was fight. They also tried to resist what I told them to do, which isn't very common because they know I'm a tough cookie when it comes to stuff like that. I thought about sending threatening letters to their teachers insisting they start back early, but I didn't think that would work. Instead we just got through it. Boy, oh boy do I need warm weather. If I could just get my sweeties out into some warm air, problem above would have been easily solved. But alas...we are still alive...school is back in, and everyone is a little bit nicer now.

Give it up and go to sleep...

We all have those times where we resist the urge to go out like a light. In cases like these, you just gotta give up the ghost and give in.

Be three again....pretty please???

I almost cried when I stumbled upon this picture today. My little Christian at the tender age of 3. I forgot he used to look this way! Little and toddlerish, with lots of crazy, wild out of control hair. Oh, how I would give anything to make him this little again, for just a day...and snuggle him in my rocking chair. Caress his blond curls. Sing him a song. The older he gets, the more he resists this kind of stuff. He has transitioned from my baby into my tough little guy, who doesn't feel totally comfortable being mauled and smooched by mama. But I miss my baby boy. He will always be so though, in my mama heart. As will all my sweet, sweet babies.

Halee is the default mom...

The other night Chris and I went out for our date night. We came home to a couple of straight haired girls. I hardly recognized Scarlett. I'm more shocked that they allowed Halee near them with a hot iron. They won't let me near them with one. The next day they begged for me to give them their curls back. They are such funny girls.